Well It seems that I lack the ability to post on a regular basis. I think that it is pretty normal for ADD kids to start things and then never finish them. This blog has always been on my mind, I hope that at some point I will continue this blog and in fact I plan on doing it. I just need to get control of myself as a person first.
For instance, I seemingly spent an entire break doing nothing. I mean nothing useful for myself and my stress-levels. Sad that in this day-and-age we consider ourselves and our being in terms of how much stress we have. Though I am sure that this has never really been any other way even if as a society we continually diagnose ourselves with countless syndromes and disorders so that we can manage in a world fixated on efficient functionality.
I for one don’t want to consider myself as an “efficient functioning member of society.” I would rather be a friend, a lover, a community member than anything materially-oriented or efficiency-oriented. But what can we do, right? This is where we are in this world and this is what we must function as.
Though I find myself constantly searching for some better world and some better place and time. I often wonder to what extent this world is my imagined world and that other imagined worlds are others imagined worlds and nothing more. That we imagine better times and we idealize great things but these are personal and subjective visions. This is a fairly postmodern analysis of life. And in that I am glad I can actually find consolation that there are people out there who attempt to synthesize a postmodern miscommunicative vision with an idealist and community-oriented vision.
But away from that philosophical rant, I still must bunker down and understand myself. Through the recent annals of a friends use of psychology, I myself will venture into the world of psychoanalysis and I hope to find someone and/or something that can help me.
In some sense this is a cop-out to my being. I have always been against medicine for fear of losing my personality. Though recently I have decided that my personality will not go with the use of psychoactive drugs even if the rough edges will be smoothed out a bit.
But whatever happens, I think I need to do this, because where I am right now–though I found a wonderful girlfriend, who I love very much–is a place that is stressful and is pressuring me to act and organize in a capitalist world. As much as I despise that vision for our world I must be able to act within it if I am to gain numbers in any cause that I wish to support and work with. Anarchists still organize and leftists still organize and they understand that to gain numbers we must work with the capitalist schedule until that schedule can be finally broken down.
Again I find myself lost within thoughts. But I consider this message a goodbye to the rant-driven quirk-filled mind jaunts and hello to hopefully a more focused a refined drive that can help me fulfill the many goals that I have attained while anarchically jaunting through the forest of my own mind. My vision of freedom and liberty is nothing without a focused response through activism and hard work.
Adieu and cheers to all! Hopefully my adventure will bear the fruit of focused visioning!
